Thursday, May 8, 2014

Musings: Under Cover

How much would you pay to sleep in Pierce Brosnan's bed? Without him or James Bond in it, of course.

Such an experience is possible at 007's Haena vacation rental — one of two properties he owns on Kauai — and it costs $1,500 to $1,950 per night, with a $1,000 cleaning fee and $7,500 deposit.

It's questionable how Pierce actually got a TVR permit, since his property had no prior history of vacation rental, as required by county ordinance. But then, secret agents operate outside the law, right?

The planning department initially denied Pierce's request for a TVR permit after an inspection found a storage area had been improperly converted into a kitchen without permits. But the Brosnans hired former deputy county attorney Lorna Nishimitsu, who managed to secure approval from the Planning Commission, even though the application lacked the required documentation.
The three-bedroom, “sleeps 6+” house has all the usual amenities of an upscale vacation rental — teak beds, fine linens, “oversized shower heads,” bamboo floors, hand-woven silk rugs, satellite TV, European lighting fixtures — along with gated security on a five-acre oceanfront lot.
It also has a rather dubious “garage” and other facilities that speak to a multi-family rental, prompting a citizen complaint to the county planning department, which promised an inspection. Perhaps that explains why the property's ad can no longer be accessed on the Bali Hai website.

Here's a picture of the “garage:”
The ad outlines its features:

Inside the garage is a fully equipped home office with a writing desk, computer, phone, and fax machine / printer.

Attached to the garage, you will find a well-stocked butler's pantry with tablecloths and linens, fine Russian china (service for 36) and a variety of stemware, a full size dishwasher, ice maker and refrigerator, as well as temperature controlled wine cabinets.

Now if they can go after Councilman Tim Bynum for having a rice cooker in a room in his private home, certainly this commercial property should raise an eyebrow. Even if it does belong to James Bond.

And then there's the fully enclosed, 480-square-foot "dining pavilion," which curiously seats 12 — perhaps to accommodate the “+” in the “sleeps 6+” part of the ad:
And don't forget the 900-square-foot yurt to “practice yoga, or to have a massage.” Or maybe sleep another four-to-six guests...

Pierce is also one of those guys who helpfully illuminates coconut trees. You know, so the native bats and Newell's shearwaters don't fly into them:

In the evening, our stately landscape lighting embellishes the mature coconut palms and creates a majestic backdrop against the blanket of stars.

If guests get bored with all that luxury and beach, no worries. Pierce also offers access to his land on Wainiha Powerhouse Road, where he was engaged in a long legal battle with Cathy Ham-Young over whether he had the right to deprive her taro patches of water so he could maintain his landscape ponds. Now she's passed on, and those contentious ponds remain — for the viewing pleasure of the well-heeled:

Private picnics and swimming excursions to our nearby 8 acre Wainiha Valley river property (1 mile away) can be easily arranged with 24/48 hour notice.

I guess even movie stars want to squeeze every possible penny out of their investments, and the planning commission is ever so eager to oblige  Because while money talks on Kauai, celebrity and money and a well-connected attorney talk even louder.
Speaking of money, thanks so much for the donations that have made via the Pay Pal button in the right hand menu, and also sent through the mail to PO Box 525, Anahola, 96703. I'm very grateful for the support that has been shown for my work! Mahalo!

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sickening that someone with so much money still needs to profit off of Kauai. Do you really think he actually does let strangers sleep in his bed. YUK Yuk Yuk

Anonymous said...

Why is the Planning Commission given a task it is clearly unqualified for? Do these members even read anything before they show up for the meetings?

So one more wealthy (and James Bond no less) TVR owner out to line his (and others?) pockets, with lots of aloha from our dim planners and commissioners. Ho hum, another day, another dollar in the beautiful garden isle.

Anonymous said...

Money talks! Greed works! Paradise is expensive, but there will always be people who can afford it!

Anonymous said...

Well Joan when you stick to what you know, your still a decent journalist.

Anonymous said...

she's baa.....aaacccckkkkk!!! :)

Manuahi said...

Why demonize the wealthy just because they can afford a property you can't. Look in the mirror. Where are you living? Are you living in a house that used to be available for a local person to rent? Are you an element in the reason why local folks cannot find affordable housing due to the competition for housing in which you are a factor?

Anonymous said...

It is too bad that Kauai had to crack down on TVR's but it is understandable when there are poor living conditions, unsanitary utilities and disruptive mini-communes springing up. Do we not remember that it was on the resorts for shutting these down? Why? So that they could raise their prices and monopolize tourism shelter. THUS making it difficult for locals to find decent places to live. So we're going after the people who DO have nice places that aren't nuisance matters? I wish the TVR regs would somehow separate the places that are suitable to BE TVR's from the places that take advantage of the common worker on the island and border on unsanitary/uninhabitable. A few ruined it for many. Remember TVR's enabled a lot of locals to afford to live there. And Mr Brosnon contributed something like $100K dollars to the elementary school's playground/etc and has always supported the island. He is an "active" resident rather than a once a year visitor. I like your stuff Joan, but this one was a bit one sided with too sharp an edge - in my opinion.

Anonymous said...

Pierce bought the lot as residential and his greed and lies turn it into a resort. Big damage to the land and people,and commercial tours to Wainiha after he stole the water from Auntie Cathy, He shown more disrespect for the kanaka here than anyone. If he was a mench, he would return the water now that 2 generations of the Ham Young family are gone, rather than commercialize a very rural place.

Anonymous said...

Might as well make some money on a property that will be under water in 10 years or next Hurricane.

Its nothing new......just look at all the resort places around the world. The super rich and those that live in poor neighborhoods who clean their houses, mow their lawns, and fix their expensive cars.

And then, lawyers like Lorna who feed off these richies like the sucking parasites that feed on big fish, in partnership with the "what me worry" planning commission..is also nothing new.

So...make more babies. More and more of these will be seeking shelter and coming to live and buy houses.....and they will need some people at minimum wage to work their land and clean their houses...and fix their cesspools.

Zero Seven

Anonymous said...

if he is an active resident, why is his home advertised as a resort? F*** his generosity for the playground doesn't buy him a free pass to steal the water, commercialize wainiha and Haena or create a fake TVR to raise his eventual sales value when Mr. Norman sells it for them. The high end tvr's are the worst cause it attracts the elite to the same place local families go to find food to feed their families, and the most sensitive habitat for turtles ...

Anonymous said...

Would you prefer more poor people with too many children move to Kauai ? Do you ever go to the beach in Anahola ? Garbage left by the locals all over the place.

Anonymous said...

We do not more entitled people coming here,gated, exclusive means keep out...
and why do we need to choose between rich and poor, how about kind or mean, loving or an asshole, or what about people just being people rich or poor?

Anonymous said...

Corruption, Corruption, Corruption. I'm not against TVRs but the corruption is so in your face. There's no shame. Many don't think twice. Like Governor Blagoivich, they (planning dept., council, attorneys, etc.) probably think that's the way business gets done. No harm done and extra money in my pocket. After all, I work hard and the county pays me crapola.

Anonymous said...

7:34 We have gates to increase security IF THERE WERE NOT THIEVES.there would be no gates or security necessary. Would you rather live in Detroit or Silicon Valley ?

Anonymous said...

I liked your blog better before you had a enemies and friends list. Suggesting that dining room and yoga studio are secret bedrooms isn't journalism, it's just a nutty theory with no evidence to back it up. The photos certainly don't look like it's where someone paying $2,000 a night would sleep. Do you think guests 7 + 8 sleep on a yoga mat on top of the dining table?

And I don't know a single family on Kauai who doesn't have tables and chairs set up in their garage or carport.

If you can uncover misdeeds regarding getting his TVR permit, you should do it, that is the sort of thing you used to do, but complaining about the size of his dining room table is beneath you.

Joan Conrow said...

I did uncover misdeeds regarding him getting his TVR permit, and I reported that. He provided none of the required documents, and his permit was approved even though it was initially denied because a storage area had been illegally converted into a kitchen. Which is why it's not so far-fetched to think he may again be skirting the zoning laws.

But perhaps you missed it because you were distracted by the pretty pictures?

Anonymous said...

Elite ? or otherwise, their excrement in the runoff water stinks the same.

God help the fishermen and kanaka of these islands with all this fodder encroaching on their pristine food sources.

Anonymous said...

It was a shame he got cast to play James Bond; thatʻs when I knew it was going down the tubes and no longer looked forward the new releases.

Just doesnʻt have the savoir faire and an English accent is not enough to cut it.

So now he is here as just another parasite on the HawaiiansÊ» backs.

Anonymous said...

"So now he is here as just another parasite on the HawaiiansÊ» backs."


And what great burden does he heave on them please? He pays property taxes, T.A. taxes and G.E. taxes. Far more than any Hawaiians pay. Or does it hurt their eyes to see someone who has achieved quite a lot in their life. I'll bet the ali'i hurt their eyes worse. Watch out for their shadow! You sound manini.

Anonymous said...

Heʻs just another garden variety encroacher and he may be to just ignore the fact but it does not change its status.
As to Hawaiians paying tax on their lands and your illogical ʻlippingʻ comment that Brosnan pays more, I will not take the time to educate you on ignorant you sound and why.

Anonymous said...

Because you have no argument.

Anonymous said...

10:45 AM Pierce is my favorite actor, I'd love to sleep in his bed, does he really take paying guests?

Anonymous said...

Californicators.

Anonymous said...

California contributes way more than Kauai does to the betterment of society. Kauai is a military base that also has a tourist industry. Hawaii would be a total shithole without America .

Anonymous said...

Yes, you should join California in bettering society and leave this military base to the rest of us. LA loves you, darling.

Anonymous said...

"Hawaii would be a total shithole without America"

What an idiotic comment. Evidence of the incredibly insular mindset that the blogger admirably seems to rage against - whether coming from the left or right.

Anonymous said...

9:26 & 9:57. What has Hawaii done to better the world ? What has a Hawaiian ever invented ?

Anonymous said...

What has Hawaii done to better the world? Not harmed the world. That is more than nearly all civilizations, west or east, can say.

Anonymous said...

1:28, you're right. California is superior. You should be with like minded people, where your insights will be appreciated. Here, you're just another underrated Calfornicator.

Anonymous said...

Thanks 7:34.
Well said.