Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Musings: Psst….(Grand Delusions, Too)

Hey, wanna hear a secret? But you have to promise not to tell. I mean nobody. Because if you do, you'll get the shit beat out of you. Truly. Dustin Barca says so.

Promise not to tell? OK. Here's the secret: Kauai has good waves.

Yeah, I know. It's not really much of a secret, considering nearly a million people come to the island every year, and a sizable portion hit the waves.

In fact, so many tourists and newbies surf that I often hear the local boys grumble, even though some of them are cashing in on the kala and teaching tourists how to surf — North Shore and Southside and all points between.

But according to Stab, a surf publication:

In an age where everything is stacked against its privacy – technology, authorities, an infectious social media Warholian-fame complex –the island of Kauai has remained remarkably preserved.

I'm not sure when Jed Smith, the guy wrote the piece, actually came to Kauai. It sounds like maybe 40 years ago, given his fantastical accounts.

Still, I can see why Jed ran into trouble. It's because he quotes only Dustin Barca, who, to put it kindly, is factually — not to mention historically — challenged:

“It’s always been unconquered so there is a sense of liberation amongst the people and the place. It’s never really had outside influence or interference when it comes to our resources or waves.”

No, no outside influences on the resources here. Never mind the missionaries, and the plantations, and more recently, the Realtors — the ones who funded Dustin's mayoral campaign — who have turned the North Shore into a rich man's playground. And let's just forget that new Princeville marketing plan, which has locals selling the surf spots, along with the land, to “the new konohiki.”

Dustin waxes nostalgic about what Jeb describes as the “island’s old school tribal justice:” 

Ultimately, however, the punishment was reserved for disrespectful outsiders. Their fierce brand of localism forming but one part of the island’s social contract. “They’d always tell us, ‘It’s for you guys, to keep it sacred for the next generation.’ And I took it to heart 150%,” says Barca.

“To see the change on the North Shore of Oahu in the last 30 years, basically they threw people out so it could become the epicentre of surfing that it is today. We would never want to see that happen to our kids and our elders didn’t want it to happen to us,” he says.
Dustin Barca Ambassador of Aloha
No, instead they threw the people out so the North Shore of Kauai could become the epicenter of vacation rentals that it is today. WTF happened, Dustin? Guess you were too busy surfing and fighting to actually notice, much less oppose, what's happened in your own backyard.

The writer then goes on to claim that Dustin and the boys are “maintaining constant vigilance in the face of not only disrespectful surfers but also development proposals, as evidenced by the recent defence of Hanalei Ridge.”

“We had 500 people in a room raging against it and it never happened,” says Barca of the successful campaign to defeat the proposed developments overlooking the wave which he, Andy, Bruce and many more cut their teeth on.

Uh, you mean it never happened yet. That project ain't dead.

Can you say blowhard?

Oh, and I bet you didn't know this about Dustin:

Barca remains one of the most recognisable —  are you sure you don't mean ridiculous, Jed? — figures on the island. [H]is eco-farm, which houses 15 sheep and 12 pigs, also provides food for a large chunk of the local community.

And exactly which large chunk is that?

Dustin wraps up with:

All our elders on the island do their part to keep the island protected and to have no photos or videos taken of our special places. That’s the reason for the lack of exposure.

Mmm, guess Hollywood never got the memo. Not to mention the webcams at surf spots.

I just love, though, how Dustin, who isn't even kanaka, establishes himself as the arbiter of cultural mores:

“People are more than welcome to visit, but you have to show some respect and respect our rules and traditions as an island. Do not take pictures and you’re more than welcome with aloha, but with that aloha comes a mutual respect and love and humility within your presence and how you present yourself.”

And if you don't, well, you might just find yourself in a spitting-shoving match at Hanalei Pier.

Great leadership, Dustin.

The comment section exploded in ridicule:

even me as a born an raise Hawaiian from Hawaii got hassled for taking pics of with my go pro.. and the guy that give me shit had a haole first name an wanna be Hawaiian last name. he lucky I never get my kanahele friends from kekaha and lick that faka. Its not like I going expose the shots. this is reffering to all the haole "locals" from north who fucking moved here 20 years ago and think they own everything now. Fakas. my family been here before plantation days and my family worked on the plantations. I take pictures where ever the fuck I like. and no hassle the tourist I help rent surfboards and tell them the good surf spots before I come down north with 30 fucking Hawaiians from Kauai and niihau and regulate all you fucking transplants.

So is Barca going to ban Lyndie Irons from Kauai, cos she constantly has pics of it on her instagram.

Funniest thing is there are more rich haole on Kauai then there are locals.

In any other location, Barca's just a cheap gang banger. Because he surfs though, he's a keeper of aloha.

How is this chem trail conspiracy theorist the voice of anything?

And my favorite:

The wife Sheryl and I just got back from a fabulous stay at a locals only spot in Princeville - right on the north shore!  

Oh, yeah, "locals only" in Princeville. For sure, brah.  All ya need is a Tamba hat and you're good for go. Just tell 'em you're down with Dustin. Cheehoo!

56 comments:

Anonymous said...

Stab Magazine reaches deep to be accepted.
Every surf spot has localism. Some spots in California are legendary, either getting punched out, your car vandalized, your stuff stolen etc.
Kauai has always been pretty accepting.
In a line up with 50 or more young "hottest" surfers in the world, big waves and a few with a pack mentality, it is amazing there are not more fights.
If you put 50 of any type of people in a small area seeking the elusive ball, wave or non-GMO Papaya you would have plenny fights. Surfing is a pretty violent free sport. There are big vibes and plenny stink eye, but few altercations.

But the hard fact is that in the 60s when there was the first groups of da Howlees, these hippie-surfers were the first to regularly surf Cannons, Kalihiwai, Dumptrucks and other spots that were challenging. B'golly, when you lost your board at Hanalei in decent sized surf, it would take you an hour to swim in, swimm out to the middle of the bay and hit the line-up. Pre-leash was a different era.
These pot-smoking hippie surfers scared many of the old Japanese store owners. The locals and the police knew a plague was coming. And a plague it was. Now most of the hot head locals are hapas. WTF happened?
And a few of these early haole surfers are still here. Not many, but a few. and after 50 years we are still Haoles. Even if out kids grandkids etc are all locals. Sheesh, any old Mexican can move here, keep his mouth shut and people will think he is a local. Such is life and white man's guilt must be carried.
Leave the surfers alone, they are harmless.
But watch out for the pseudo-Local, the self perceived Local Haole, who will sell your land, rent it out, raise your rents and at the same time be for the land and anti-GMO...Bali Hai Realty, Hawaii Life Realty etc. Change the landscape, fence out the access and homalimali with the bruddahs because you bought a few lunches and smile a lot.
Big Hanalei has no mercy on local or Haole.

Anonymous said...

What, no link to video of bruddah Barca fighting on the beach with Sol Kahn? Defendahs of Kauai!

Anonymous said...

Appreciate your thoughts Joan and knew you would get a kick out of the article.

Anonymous said...

Joan, your a miserable old hag. Take some Nardil, you might feel better. I'm sure your chemical buddies can get it cheap for you.

Anonymous said...

don't blame only the rich, realtors----the locals sold their lands for $---i have so much aloha and respect for the Maka family who still live on and own their unreal parcel in Haena. I only wish that more locals had the foresight, money to sustain and keep their land and love for their land like the Makas! For Barca, live him alone, why you gotta keep focusing on him? Like you, he is doing what he thinks is a good thing----many braddahs do the same all over the island ----

Anonymous said...

I read the Stab article last night and then your dissection of it this morning! Hilarious! You can't make this shit up, oh wait I guess they can. What a bunch of clowns!

Anonymous said...

Joan, you're a gorgeous, witty genius! And you make my day with your blog posts; keep it up! There is certainly no lack of fodder.

Dawson said...

7:59AM wrote:
Joan, your a miserable old hag. Take some Nardil, you might feel better. I'm sure your chemical buddies can get it cheap for you.

Shh. Go back to sleep. You're just having a dream.

Anonymous said...

@8:46 AM - You hit the nail on the head! Transplants wouldn't be able to buy one square inch of Kauai if it hadn't already been sold off by the original owners: Native Hawaiians. The biggest sellers were the alii and the monarchy that, after the Mahele provided titles, began selling off their lands for the riches of more advanced civilizations. Somehow, the concept that all wealth begins with the land was never learned. These sales are still going on today albeit with less volume. One only has to check the legal notices to find kuleana owned by 30 or 40 people where no one has paid property taxes for years and is being auctioned off by the County.

Anonymous said...

And this is the guy who beat a man to a pulp in a bar in LA for no reason, escaped criminal prosecution but was found liable in civil court and slapped with a $2 million settlement. Then promptly filed bankruptcy to relieve himself of any obligation to pay off the settlement. Why anyone listens to anything this clown says is beyond comprehension.

Anonymous said...

property taxes were developed to take the land away because they had to pay taxes now when before they did not have to pay. ask Geronimo

Dawson said...

1:16 PM wrote:
...Transplants wouldn't be able to buy one square inch of Kauai if it hadn't already been sold off by the original owners: Native Hawaiians.

Those words are virtually verbatim the simplistic, self-serving justification given for every commercial grab of Native American land in the last two centuries. Blaming land loss on the natives is a stanza straight out of the Euro-American Colonial Anthem.

And people think colonialism isn't alive and thriving on Hawaii. Hah!

TAMBA said...

Why you gotta drag me and my surf company into your negative Blogs.. You don't have any respect for people or are you just to create more drama on the island!! If you got something to say about me or my business come see me face to face. Im a local boy born and raised here been in business for 17 years now trying to do something positive with my life... Whats your problem lady you think you shit ice cream or something.. How are you just to run down me and my business What have you done for anybody or the community other than just bicker about things! Must be fun picking people apart from behind your computer all day..
YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT MY BUSINESS OR ME CALL ME 808 652 3991... SAA TAMBA GINLACK..

Joan Conrow said...

Gosh, Saa, I guess you forgot I was the first person to write a newspaper article about your business and you were so happy for the publicity and the boost and the way I helped out a local boy. . Your brand is a Kauai icon. That's the only reason I mentioned it, and there was nothing negative about it. Except your attitude.

TAMBA said...

Your so good with your words Joan the way you twist them to make you look good... GO JOAN your the best and thank you for all you have done for Kauai...

Anonymous said...

2:28 Before property taxes, the chiefs and kings took their cut and later the monarchy charged commutations. Property owners that were given property by the King had to sell back a large portion of their newly deeded property to pay their commutations to the King. Quit trying to romanticize the past, as in reality most Hawaiians were no more than serfs serving their royals.

Anonymous said...

Saa you don't know but Aunty Joan had help plenty people.

Anonymous said...

Joan you were friends with and helped out so many people in the past. But seems you have since then, thrown most of them under the bus.

Dawson said...


And the winner of the 2015 Award for How Not to Advertise Your Business goes to...

Why you gotta drag me and my surf company into your negative Blogs.. You don't have any respect for people or are you just to create more drama on the island!! If you got something to say about me or my business come see me face to face. Im a local boy born and raised here been in business for 17 years now trying to do something positive with my life... Whats your problem lady you think you shit ice cream or something.. How are you just to run down me and my business What have you done for anybody or the community other than just bicker about things! Must be fun picking people apart from behind your computer all day..
YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT MY BUSINESS OR ME CALL ME 808 652 3991... SAA TAMBA GINLACK..


Joan Conrow said...

I'm not sure where you get your information, 4:16, but none of my friends are under any buses!

Anonymous said...

Saa, maybe you're trying but you've certainly failed by jumping the gun and going for the throat of one who has helped you. Sadly it takes years for the ill effects of addiction to run out. Keep trying and slow down a bit.

Anonymous said...

Bruddah saa just backing up his boy dustin and exemlifies their attitudes as described in the article

Anonymous said...

Too much glass pipe in the surf community.

Anonymous said...

Love it. You outdid yourself on this one, Joan. You're right in saying that Dustin is a wannabe gangbanger in any other location. Key word, "wannabe". Aloha?? Barca's been smokin' too much dope. You are what you smoke.

Anonymous said...

Joan, your gonna talk shit about the wrong person someday and your going to be under the bus.

Joan Conrow said...

Yeah, I guess I should be scared and STFU like all the rest of the never say nothing sheeple.

Anonymous said...

Courage is Powerful and the people in power on Kauai are Afraid of the certain few who stand up against Kauai's Corruption.

Anonymous said...

Say No to Drugs and Drug fronts businesses.

Anonymous said...

And in the surf shop too.

Anonymous said...

Watch your mouth (keyboard) kid.

Anonymous said...

Tamba relax, we don't need you attacking a woman. She was simply using your popular Kauai brand name. Cool it.

Anonymous said...

Don't talk about Tamba that way! Let them sell their drugs in peace.

Anonymous said...

It takes zero courage to mouth off behind a keyboard. Joan isn't standing up against corruption, she's attacking people who are standing up against her GMO buddies. Joan is basically a cyber-bully and in the end a bully gets what's coming to them. In Joan's case, it's going to be a lawsuit for libel, a punch in the mouth, and/or a one way trip into the mountains like the old days

Joan Conrow said...

@8:47. Says the guy not so bravely mouthing off behind a keyboard...

Dawson said...

Nothing infuriates a politician, frustrates a demagogue and shrivels the balls of a bully like a journalist who speaks truth to power.


Manuahi said...

Well said, Dawson!

Anonymous said...

Joan- How is it you get threatened by a kid whose bidniss you didn't mean to harm?
You are the only writer on Kauai who has established a large audience that hits hard on issues.
You are a strong and brave lady.
I disagree with you plenny, but I admire your work.
The power of the pen can be misinterpreted bu knee-jerk reactions. Blalah Saa, chilax man.
Thank you Joan. Soon, as the election heats up some of the politicos will be answering in Comments to get their names out... Kauai Eclectic, read by thousands, feared by many, understood by few.

Anonymous said...

@October 14, 2015 at 8:47 PM - What the heck are you talking about "zero courage to mouth off behind a keyboard"? You think a "punch in the mouth" or providing "a one way trip into the mountains like the old days" is courage, (or more likely your definition of it?)

You sound like just another good for nothing punk on the island like Barca or anyone else who think's he can fight his way through life. Might makes right, right? -Wrong! It's a small island. I'm sure Joan's had to deal with people who disagree with her before and hopefully they have a little more class and aloha than you. -I was born and raised here and learned at a young age that even when you don't agree with someone you can show aloha.

Anonymous said...

You're so ignorant that you cannot read between the lines.

Discussing anything with you would be such a complete waste of time.

Go back to watching those old limp dicks on Kauai council TV do nothing!!!

Anonymous said...

Joan is ill. Pray for Joan!

Joan Conrow said...

Thanks so much for your very kind concern, 8:44, but I'm happy and healthy and feeling just fine!

Anonymous said...

Graphic illustration...two workers digging a trench, it's hot and dusty, both of them getting really tired of digging. One says to the other, I going see the boss why we gotta dig this f-ing trench. Goes to the boss, "how come we gotta dig this trench?" Because I am the boss, let me show graphic illustration, boss puts his hand against the wall and tells worker to punch his hand. Worker all piss off yet and takes a huge swing at the boss's hand. The boss moves his hand from the wall, worker punches the wall, all sore his hand. The boss then tells the worker, tis is why I am the boss and you are digging the trench. Worker goes back to trench, other worker asks him so what? Boss showed me "Graphic Illustration" Places his hand in front of his face and tells coworker - See my hand, punch em......

Anonymous said...

Love or Hate him Anthony Sommers (author of KPD Blue and retired Colonel Military Police) did what most coward journalists on Kauai were and still are afraid to do.

Yes that means Mike Levine and Nathan Eagle were wimpy cowards that ran away scared like little boys from Kauai.

Joan does the same in her own way.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps 8:44am is 8:47pm in the throes of a 12 hour manic depressive cycle.

Anonymous said...

A few weeks after boy landed on Kauai, straight off the boat from 'merica and ready to chase his island dream, he quickly understood the racism. Fearing potential assaults, he accepted his place, beginning with putting the obligatory Tamba sticker on his car.

Joan you did not even insult this guy, just mentioned his bumper sticker and he's calling you to his place to kick your ass?
Good call Joan - criminal gang.
The boys who don't get charged.

Vote Lisa Arin.

Anonymous said...

Tamba is wound WAY too tight.

Anonymous said...

Yes 8:47 PM let's punch a woman in the mouth for speaking up. F'n neanderthal.

Anonymous said...

Comment above was actually meant for 8:47 pm Kauai Meth Lyfer.

Anonymous said...

This is one of those reaction when someone is told so and so is talking shit about you and you respond without finding out the facts...you all amped up and rant without thinking. Then it is oh shit, what did I just do. I must have been out of my mind to respond like that. And some are.

Joan Conrow said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

What a donkey. He won't be getting my business or my friends business anymore. Usually I send my friends there to buy a hoodie or hat when they visit but those days are over.

Anonymous said...

Lol ok I not going vote for that Shay crony. 4 years of that was enough.

Anonymous said...

Woman
Attack
Violence
Tamba
Boycott

Anonymous said...

After all you plugged Tamba, Joan - you see his true self now.
What a dick. Who would buy from him now?


Anonymous said...

What? "Hawaiians and their Ali'i were the biggest sellers of their own land"? No! Haole plantation owners moved here and leased the land from the monarchy. They got greedy and used the United States military to overthrow our Queen. Even lands that were given to certain families from the mahele, were taken away with quiet titles and fake documents by people like Knudsen.. "Unconquered". Read a history book. Kamehameha ll kidnapped Kaumuali'i and and took him to O'ahu, were Kaumuali'i then married Kamehamehas sister.

Anonymous said...

Tamba is a thug like his boy Barca. They both need anger management. Don't know why so many people display that asshole's bumper sticker. It represents low class.