Musings: Psst….(Grand Delusions, Too)

Hey, wanna hear a secret? But you have to promise not to tell. I mean nobody. Because if you do, you'll get the shit beat out of you. Truly. Dustin Barca says so.

Promise not to tell? OK. Here's the secret: Kauai has good waves.

Yeah, I know. It's not really much of a secret, considering nearly a million people come to the island every year, and a sizable portion hit the waves.

In fact, so many tourists and newbies surf that I often hear the local boys grumble, even though some of them are cashing in on the kala and teaching tourists how to surf — North Shore and Southside and all points between.

But according to Stab, a surf publication:

In an age where everything is stacked against its privacy – technology, authorities, an infectious social media Warholian-fame complex –the island of Kauai has remained remarkably preserved.

I'm not sure when Jed Smith, the guy wrote the piece, actually came to Kauai. It sounds like maybe 40 years ago, given his fantastical accounts.

Still, I can see why Jed ran into trouble. It's because he quotes only Dustin Barca, who, to put it kindly, is factually — not to mention historically — challenged:

“It’s always been unconquered so there is a sense of liberation amongst the people and the place. It’s never really had outside influence or interference when it comes to our resources or waves.”

No, no outside influences on the resources here. Never mind the missionaries, and the plantations, and more recently, the Realtors — the ones who funded Dustin's mayoral campaign — who have turned the North Shore into a rich man's playground. And let's just forget that new Princeville marketing plan, which has locals selling the surf spots, along with the land, to “the new konohiki.”

Dustin waxes nostalgic about what Jeb describes as the “island’s old school tribal justice:” 

Ultimately, however, the punishment was reserved for disrespectful outsiders. Their fierce brand of localism forming but one part of the island’s social contract. “They’d always tell us, ‘It’s for you guys, to keep it sacred for the next generation.’ And I took it to heart 150%,” says Barca.

“To see the change on the North Shore of Oahu in the last 30 years, basically they threw people out so it could become the epicentre of surfing that it is today. We would never want to see that happen to our kids and our elders didn’t want it to happen to us,” he says.

Dustin Barca Ambassador of Aloha

No, instead they threw the people out so the North Shore of Kauai could become the epicenter of vacation rentals that it is today. WTF happened, Dustin? Guess you were too busy surfing and fighting to actually notice, much less oppose, what's happened in your own backyard.

The writer then goes on to claim that Dustin and the boys are “maintaining constant vigilance in the face of not only disrespectful surfers but also development proposals, as evidenced by the recent defence of Hanalei Ridge.”

“We had 500 people in a room raging against it and it never happened,” says Barca of the successful campaign to defeat the proposed developments overlooking the wave which he, Andy, Bruce and many more cut their teeth on.

Uh, you mean it never happened yet. That project ain't dead.

Can you say blowhard?

Oh, and I bet you didn't know this about Dustin:

Barca remains one of the most recognisable —  are you sure you don't mean ridiculous, Jed? — figures on the island. [H]is eco-farm, which houses 15 sheep and 12 pigs, also provides food for a large chunk of the local community.

And exactly which large chunk is that?

Dustin wraps up with:

All our elders on the island do their part to keep the island protected and to have no photos or videos taken of our special places. That’s the reason for the lack of exposure.

Mmm, guess Hollywood never got the memo. Not to mention the webcams at surf spots.

I just love, though, how Dustin, who isn't even kanaka, establishes himself as the arbiter of cultural mores:

“People are more than welcome to visit, but you have to show some respect and respect our rules and traditions as an island. Do not take pictures and you’re more than welcome with aloha, but with that aloha comes a mutual respect and love and humility within your presence and how you present yourself.”

And if you don't, well, you might just find yourself in a spitting-shoving match at Hanalei Pier.

Great leadership, Dustin.

The comment section exploded in ridicule:

even me as a born an raise Hawaiian from Hawaii got hassled for taking pics of with my go pro.. and the guy that give me shit had a haole first name an wanna be Hawaiian last name. he lucky I never get my kanahele friends from kekaha and lick that faka. Its not like I going expose the shots. this is reffering to all the haole "locals" from north who fucking moved here 20 years ago and think they own everything now. Fakas. my family been here before plantation days and my family worked on the plantations. I take pictures where ever the fuck I like. and no hassle the tourist I help rent surfboards and tell them the good surf spots before I come down north with 30 fucking Hawaiians from Kauai and niihau and regulate all you fucking transplants.

So is Barca going to ban Lyndie Irons from Kauai, cos she constantly has pics of it on her instagram.

Funniest thing is there are more rich haole on Kauai then there are locals.

In any other location, Barca's just a cheap gang banger. Because he surfs though, he's a keeper of aloha.

How is this chem trail conspiracy theorist the voice of anything?

And my favorite:

The wife Sheryl and I just got back from a fabulous stay at a locals only spot in Princeville - right on the north shore!  

Oh, yeah, "locals only" in Princeville. For sure, brah.  All ya need is a Tamba hat and you're good for go. Just tell 'em you're down with Dustin. Cheehoo!