Musings: Under Cover

How much would you pay to sleep in Pierce Brosnan's bed? Without him or James Bond in it, of course.

Such an experience is possible at 007's Haena vacation rental — one of two properties he owns on Kauai — and it costs $1,500 to $1,950 per night, with a $1,000 cleaning fee and $7,500 deposit.

It's questionable how Pierce actually got a TVR permit, since his property had no prior history of vacation rental, as required by county ordinance. But then, secret agents operate outside the law, right?

The planning department initially denied Pierce's request for a TVR permit after an inspection found a storage area had been improperly converted into a kitchen without permits. But the Brosnans hired former deputy county attorney Lorna Nishimitsu, who managed to secure approval from the Planning Commission, even though the application lacked the required documentation.

The three-bedroom, “sleeps 6+” house has all the usual amenities of an upscale vacation rental — teak beds, fine linens, “oversized shower heads,” bamboo floors, hand-woven silk rugs, satellite TV, European lighting fixtures — along with gated security on a five-acre oceanfront lot.

It also has a rather dubious “garage” and other facilities that speak to a multi-family rental, prompting a citizen complaint to the county planning department, which promised an inspection. Perhaps that explains why the property's ad can no longer be accessed on the Bali Hai website.

Here's a picture of the “garage:”

The ad outlines its features:

Inside the garage is a fully equipped home office with a writing desk, computer, phone, and fax machine / printer.

Attached to the garage, you will find a well-stocked butler's pantry with tablecloths and linens, fine Russian china (service for 36) and a variety of stemware, a full size dishwasher, ice maker and refrigerator, as well as temperature controlled wine cabinets.

Now if they can go after Councilman Tim Bynum for having a rice cooker in a room in his private home, certainly this commercial property should raise an eyebrow. Even if it does belong to James Bond.

And then there's the fully enclosed, 480-square-foot "dining pavilion," which curiously seats 12 — perhaps to accommodate the “+” in the “sleeps 6+” part of the ad:

And don't forget the 900-square-foot yurt to “practice yoga, or to have a massage.” Or maybe sleep another four-to-six guests...

Pierce is also one of those guys who helpfully illuminates coconut trees. You know, so the native bats and Newell's shearwaters don't fly into them:

In the evening, our stately landscape lighting embellishes the mature coconut palms and creates a majestic backdrop against the blanket of stars.

If guests get bored with all that luxury and beach, no worries. Pierce also offers access to his land on Wainiha Powerhouse Road, where he was engaged in a long legal battle with Cathy Ham-Young over whether he had the right to deprive her taro patches of water so he could maintain his landscape ponds. Now she's passed on, and those contentious ponds remain — for the viewing pleasure of the well-heeled:

Private picnics and swimming excursions to our nearby 8 acre Wainiha Valley river property (1 mile away) can be easily arranged with 24/48 hour notice.

I guess even movie stars want to squeeze every possible penny out of their investments, and the planning commission is ever so eager to oblige  Because while money talks on Kauai, celebrity and money and a well-connected attorney talk even louder.

Speaking of money, thanks so much for the donations that have made via the Pay Pal button in the right hand menu, and also sent through the mail to PO Box 525, Anahola, 96703. I'm very grateful for the support that has been shown for my work! Mahalo!