Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Musings: Making Magic

It was a slow news day. No press releases from Surfrider. No edicts from the anti-GMO crowd. No oceanic histrionics from Terry Lilley. 

No worries. The Garden Island's Jessica Else is a resourceful reporter. She's got ways to fill her story quota.

Which is how we ended up with a super scoop about a magic ball o'stuff that produces mana, chi, good vibrations.

And you thought mana was something you had to develop through right living and pono action, maybe even be born with it. 

Nope. You can whip it up at home. All you need is one cup of metal shavings — as in a shredded wire dish scrubber — a few drops of food coloring from the Easter egg kit, resin left over from your last surfboard patch and voila, you've got an instant electromagnetic radiation transformer.

Yeah, it picks up bad energy and converts it to good. Just like that. Gosh, who would've thunk a quick trip to Ace could completely transform your life AND the entire planet!

Shoots, no need worry about transmission towers, electric lines, wi-fi, cell phones, negative vibes, stink eye, even internet trolls. Heck, you can totally forget that monthly smart meter opt-out fee. Simply tuck one of these sparkly energy balls in your pocket and you are good to go.
Magic resin balls. Also available in "traditional" pyramid shapes.
So says Krisztina Samu. And she ought to know. Because there she is the newspaper, whipping up a batch of “orgonite” — it's actually a trademarked word — in her kitchen, spouting some gibberish she got off the internet. 

That makes her an expert, right? You'd best listen up.

“We’re living in a virtual soup of electromagnetic energy, microwaves, that kind of thing, with all of the devices and technology we have now,” she says.

You mean, in addition to that chemical soup the anti-GMO activists are always talking about? Truly, how do you tell them apart? And if it's virtual, does it actually count?

I'm sorry. No questions.  Just believe.

“It’s been an underground movement for many years,” Samu says.

Oh. No wonder it hasn't appeared on Natural News or Unless there's been a Big Pharma-neighborhood dealer conspiracy to keep this miracle from the public. You know, so they can sell us more drugs.

Wait, I spoke too soon. Mercola did cover it: Outlawed: "Important Medical Discovery" ... But Why?

Why, indeed. Damn those dirty conspirators against good health. 

Still, you'll be reassured to know that orgonite will not interfere with the Himalayan salt lamp ionizers that Dr. Mercola sells. And you can take refuge in a chat group that gives you snappy comebacks to snarky comments like "there is no proof orgonite works." 

Samu goes on to tell us that orgonite is emerging from the underground, and “just now it’s picking up speed again. There are people gifting the Earth with orgonite everywhere.”

As in thoughtfully tucking these little balls of toxic opala around cell towers and power poles. Lucky Earth.  

Or even tossing these waterproof nuggets of positivity into the sea, so that dolphins — and aging fans of the Beach Boys — can enjoy good vibrations, too.
Dolphins high on orgonite.
Surely we can crowd-fund the cash to buy enough of these balls from Samu to save us from the island-wide, round-the-clock Navy radar bombardment that Lilley claims is killing the reef.  

Hey, I've got a better idea. Get Earthjustice to sue. Make the Navy pay. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Wow. Just when I was beginning to despair about the demise of science, the lack of critical thinking, the gullibility of the masses, the craven nature of humanity.

How comforting to have Krisztina Samu reassure us that making the world a better place is as simple as scammin'. What a great new concept!

I see a whole new cottage industry arising. Come up with a catchy name, something that includes paradise, and the tourists will be snapping them up like cheap mangoes at the market. Just think. If every visitor takes one home, why, this is Kauai's chance to serve as a model for the planet!

Thank you, Jessica — and editor Bill Buley — for providing Kauai residents with this fabulously informative scoop.

Gotta go. I can't wait to make me some of that shit.


Manuahi said...

LOL!!! :D

Anonymous said...

Joan you gotta take a deep breath and namaste a little

Andrew Cooper said...

Electrical engineer here... You know, a little metal or foil can block electromagnetic emissions. This is the method behind the radar jamming chaff that fighter aircraft can eject in a cloud behind the aircraft. That is usually a fine cloud of alumininized mylar strips. So the idea is based on a real effect, not surprising, a lot of pseudoscience is.

Of course there are a few problems... The size of the metal or foil fragments need to be tuned to the wavelengths you want to block. And you need to be in the center of the material to fully shield yourself from all directions. So if you want to cast yourself into the middle of that resin ball with the metal fragments it might work;)

Anonymous said...

I love and hate this post:

I love it because of your writing and view points (almost always enjoy reading you).

I hate it because it appears that you are just looking for anything to criticize no matter how trivial it is.

Joan Conrow said...

Dear 11:13,

I was just having fun, trying to lighten things up a bit. Please don't ascribe any sinister notions -- or your own obviously critical nature -- to me and this post. Geez.

Anonymous said...

TGI might look into using a variation of Adolph Ochs' New York Times motto: "All the News That's Shit To Print". I now look forward to Rita De Silva, Hank Soboleski and Dennis Fujimoto's work, and my smart dog Puakenikeni gets the rest. Pua makes regular use of it, and the plastic sleeve it comes in is handy on walks.

Anonymous said...

Wow. My critical nature. LOL!!! You certainly are trying to lighten things up a bit now.

Joan Conrow said...

Well, you were the one who criticized the post with your own projection in a back-handed compliment, 11:13/11:29.

But glad to see you might have at least a glimmer of a sense of humor!

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who thinks that dropping plastic resin balls into the ocean is littering?

Anonymous said...

That crap was actually in print. And people pay to have it delivered... No wonder we're lost on the edge of western civilization. Soon we'll all have that blank Kilauea stare!

Anonymous said...

Orgone--Wilhelm Reich:

Anonymous said...

Tin foil hat is cheaper and way more fashionable.

Dawson said...

“We’re living in a virtual soup of electromagnetic energy, microwaves, that kind of thing, with all of the devices and technology we have now,” she says.

Do not believe her pseudoscience "electromagnetic danger" propaganda! It's a diversion from the real threat: mind-altering aerosols dispersed in chemtrails by jetliners. Over time, these arosoals alter the cuognitve abilities of teh brane, leadng to collapze of yer bility to thnk wich sx bmk mng ... yz..


Anonymous said...

Thank god there was nothing about inserting them into any body cavities like other things I have heard of. People want loopholes closed to purchase guns...they should close the loopholes that allow KRAY KRAY TRANSPLANTS to move to our island. LMFAO

Anonymous said...

Actually, all those believing in this "orgonite" wonder should take them as suppositories to achieve maximum protection and quite frankly for the piece of 'shit' pseudoscience that it is... :))) TGI should have really posted this in the "funnies" section... hilarious~!

Anonymous said...

Comment of the year/ Dolphins high on orgonite.

Odie said...

I always loved my pet rock.

Anonymous said...

i hate when i agree with u. me like the high nai'a. da new age crap is hella stupid.

Unknown said...

This article in the GI this morning was ridiculous and shocking for our local paper.

Regarding some of the comments here though, I'm tired of "north shore" and "Kilauea" folks being clumped into one big category of hippies, anti's, transplants, etc....

Believe it or not, there are some of us who live and work here in Kilauea who have minds of our own. We don't adhere to every crazy notion or conspiracy that comes down the pike.
As we're becoming keenly aware with the latest political election fiasco....using such inflammatory language just feeds the fire.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Katie, i live on the NS too, am not a loon either. There are some of us normal people who live north shore too!!

Andrew Cooper said...

Dawson! Wish we could like comments here on KE.